I felt like a liar yesterday

I felt like a liar yesterday.

On principle, I don't speak on things that I don't believe or of which I have no conviction. I have no problem admitting that I am unsure of something. That has never been difficult. It is not problematic to admit that I don't know. 48 hours ago, I was extremely sure of my words. Especially on the topics of community development and community advocacy. 

A lot of my colleagues and friends that studied Urban Studies at my undergrad university went on to be great youth workers. One is the Executive Director of an organization that helps homeless youth. Another helps young victims of sex and drug trafficking. I see their brilliant work and their amazing callings and think wow I never want to be them. The thing that I most admire about them is their ability to face the heartbreak that comes with loving kids who are forced to deal with adult problems. I never thought that was something that I could do. So I chose to distance myself from youth work.

I'd much prefer to sit in my office with my maps. However, as anyone who has ever spent any time in community development can tell you, working with youth is critical for healthy neighborhoods. So we invest in local neighborhood kids. We hire them, advocate for them, hope, and pray for them. We believe in them. I believe in them, and I see their potential. I love these kids.

Then it happened. Heartbreak, the reason I never wanted to work with youth. Have you ever seen a kid you care about being put in the back of a police car? Did you ever get a notice stating that a kid you care for has been expelled? Have you ever heard the phrase "tried as an adult" describing that silly kid who helped you move some chairs a couple of weeks ago? I have.

Yesterday, I was asked to speak to a group of people who are volunteering to mentor students in our community. I was supposed to speak to them about how all these kids need is love. I couldn't do it. I stumbled over words that just a few days ago, I would have spoken with conviction. I felt like a liar.

These kids need love and quality affordable housing so that maybe they can have some stability. These kids need love and to not live with food insecurity. These kids need love and not to have drug lords as neighbors. These kids need love and quality education. These kids need love and a system that's not set up for them to fail.

So I went off-script and probably scared some mentors. Maybe I was too harsh but at least I wasn't a liar. If you want to love the kids in my community support their schools. Question why these kids don't access to parks or greenspace.  Fight with me to keep the doors of the local grocery store open. These kids not only need you to teach them how to fish, but they also need access to well-stocked ponds.

Six Community Development Principles I learned in Middle of Nowhere Tennessee

Six Community Development Principles I learned in Middle of Nowhere Tennessee

This little spot will always hold an almost magical space in my heart. Throughout my childhood, my siblings, my cousins, and I would be dropped off at the little green house on the corner (aka my grandparent's house). Most of my cousins are older than me. They'd all go into town and go to radioshack or the brand new two-screen movie theater or something. While I'd stay back at the house with my brother and my cousin Derek affectionately known as Dirk. We'd find the coolest rocks, invent new games that Micah would always change the rules to, we'd skip stones in the hidden pond, ate honeysuckle, we'd stay up late watching the twilight zone and Mr. Ed. This place was so easy. Not a worry or care.

I work in the community development field now where there are lots of worries and cares. Still, a lot of the community development principles that I believe to my core started at the little green house on the corner.

1. There are wise people who have been doing this work, living this life a lot longer than me. I don't have to listen to them but that's how city kids end up eating crabapples and getting shocked by electric fences.

2. You're never really alone, someone will come down the street eventually.

3. Mixed-use development just makes sense. My Grandparents church, affectionally known as the church with the ladybugs, once served as a church, a schoolhouse, a wedding hall probably a million other things too.

4. Workforce development is a hands-on initiative. It sounds something like "Come on and help me with this..."

5. Nowhere is somewhere to somebody. I've only found my dad's hometown on one map one time. But to the people who lived and loved there, it's home.

6. and most importantly, Keep on Keepin on, just because things are difficult, just because things don't go right the first time doesn't mean you quit.

My summers in the middle of nowhere make me a better community development practitioner today.