I felt like a liar yesterday

I felt like a liar yesterday.

On principle, I don't speak on things that I don't believe or of which I have no conviction. I have no problem admitting that I am unsure of something. That has never been difficult. It is not problematic to admit that I don't know. 48 hours ago, I was extremely sure of my words. Especially on the topics of community development and community advocacy. 

A lot of my colleagues and friends that studied Urban Studies at my undergrad university went on to be great youth workers. One is the Executive Director of an organization that helps homeless youth. Another helps young victims of sex and drug trafficking. I see their brilliant work and their amazing callings and think wow I never want to be them. The thing that I most admire about them is their ability to face the heartbreak that comes with loving kids who are forced to deal with adult problems. I never thought that was something that I could do. So I chose to distance myself from youth work.

I'd much prefer to sit in my office with my maps. However, as anyone who has ever spent any time in community development can tell you, working with youth is critical for healthy neighborhoods. So we invest in local neighborhood kids. We hire them, advocate for them, hope, and pray for them. We believe in them. I believe in them, and I see their potential. I love these kids.

Then it happened. Heartbreak, the reason I never wanted to work with youth. Have you ever seen a kid you care about being put in the back of a police car? Did you ever get a notice stating that a kid you care for has been expelled? Have you ever heard the phrase "tried as an adult" describing that silly kid who helped you move some chairs a couple of weeks ago? I have.

Yesterday, I was asked to speak to a group of people who are volunteering to mentor students in our community. I was supposed to speak to them about how all these kids need is love. I couldn't do it. I stumbled over words that just a few days ago, I would have spoken with conviction. I felt like a liar.

These kids need love and quality affordable housing so that maybe they can have some stability. These kids need love and to not live with food insecurity. These kids need love and not to have drug lords as neighbors. These kids need love and quality education. These kids need love and a system that's not set up for them to fail.

So I went off-script and probably scared some mentors. Maybe I was too harsh but at least I wasn't a liar. If you want to love the kids in my community support their schools. Question why these kids don't access to parks or greenspace.  Fight with me to keep the doors of the local grocery store open. These kids not only need you to teach them how to fish, but they also need access to well-stocked ponds.